That Inner Feeling of Failure

I am a debuting writer and I admit it.

I know relatively little about the publishing industry, how to get an agent, and the ins-and-outs of writing the perfect manuscript and I am okay with it.  Everyone had to learn the ropes at the beginning of their careers.  I am starting my writing career  about mid to early life.  I have graduated in another field [medical] and love what I do.  But I also need to scratch an itch, well, come to find out , it is more than just an itch.

So many people have dispensed their opinions about the difficulties of getting published.

It is often good to hear the success stories.  I am currently plugging along and each day that I write, I become more confident about what I am doing. Now that I am nearing the end of the first draft, I have allowed myself a look back and a moment to contemplate about what I have done and what I am hoping to do.

I am a realist and understand that the likelihood of becoming famous because of my writing is low, I mean real low.  I am okay with that.  My true goal is to be published and to have the opportunity to continue to do something that I have come to love.

Then that small voice of failure creeps into my mind.

It has been a daily and nagging counterpart to my own aspiration and desire.  I often wonder why it is there.  What is the point of worrying about failure.  If I finish the book, regardless of what really happens, it is not a failure.

What if someone hates my book?

This is a question that I pose to myself often.  My first response is, that won’t happen.  But in reality it will.  Someone will hate my book.  I just hope it isn’t all the literary agents or publishers that I come across.  That would really suck.  But beyond that, who cares!

I am not an author, yet.  I will qualify myself as an author the moment I finish my first manuscript.  I am a writer and I love writing.  Some days, I have little desire to write because of time constraints or where I am.  But while I am writing and soon thereafter, there is a marked happiness that I feel after writing.  Often, it pushes that feeling of failure away, but only temporarily.

I will fail unless I try.

I hate failing at anything.  So far, I haven’t.  I technically have failed at my own business once, called Flyflicker, but in reality I didn’t truly fail because of what I learned and more importantly I didn’t let it stop me.  Getting my college degree and my masters was challenging and my grades weren’t the best.  But failure was again, not an option.

Truthfully, my first ms may never be published, but that fact that I began and will soon finish is a monumental success story.

If you have the sense of failure, then remember, whatever definition you have heard of failure may actually be incorrect.  Don’t let someone else’s guideline of failure or success, for that matter,  match up to your standard.  You will be plagued by fears of failure at different times, I am positive that even after a huge success, failure will again find a way to wiggle back into our lives.  The key is trying to cut failure off at the knees.

Advertisements

About earthsdivide

Learning something new can be hard to do. But why not! I love what I do and what I am trying to do. It hasn't been easy but writing is fun to do. To tell a good story takes hard work and a lot of effort, hopefully, I can do both. But if I can't it will still be a great time.
This entry was posted in Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s